I’m continuing to feel a little bit better every day. The cough is STILL here (dammit) but I’m feeling more alert (at times). I have more energy but I’m still really really tired and sleep like the dead, falling asleep within minutes of turning out the light. I still can’t read more than a page or two a night. I get hit with all the emotions possible, at various times during the day, but I try to observe them, be kind to myself, and then move on with the day, sometimes carrying an emotion like a little baby if it needs some attention, sometimes telling the emotion that I’ve noticed it, and now it can please take another nap and go away for awhile (I try to notice ALL the emotions, but the unhelpful ones I try not to give too much time to).
I thought, as a guideline, it would be fun to give myself a plan for the next few weeks and months. It’s a Fun Plan. You might like to do it with me. It’s an easy 3-stepper.
- Say yes to nearly everything. However: VERY IMPORTANT — include the caveat that I might have to back out for various reasons later. Such as: I need to go home and eat ice cream all by myself. What? That’s a valid reason. I’m already doing this one. “Yes! I’ll go to all these holiday parties! …. Um, actually I just want to go home and fiddle around with art stuff. Sorry!”
- Be ridiculously kind and forgiving of myself. Especially if I pull a stunt like backing out of multiple holiday parties which I’ve enthusiastically said “Yes!” to.
- Follow the joy. This one goes nicely with the other two. Sometimes joy shifts and moves around. Sometimes joy is sitting on the couch with a kitty and watching Battlestar Galactica. Sometimes joy is ditching plans (does anyone else get joy from this? I love changing plans). Sometimes joy is pushing myself to get dressed up and go out, because you never know what the evening might hold. Sometimes joy is hiding from my crazy neighbors and watching with glee as they try to find someone else to infect with their crazy. (I’m just saying…)
In addition, an important sub-plan is to ignore anyone who decides to pass judgement on me for following any aspect of this plan (not that anyone has, but they *might* — in which case they will be ignored). I can eat ice cream all day if I want to, so there. (ignoring this judge-y person also applies when the judge-y person is oneself; see Guideline #2)
I’m feeling more like myself, but I’m still very tired and aware that I need to keep taking care of myself. The Fun Plan will keep me open to possibilities and also open to the times when I might need to just go home and get back into bed. I’ve said yes to nearly everything that’s been suggested to me recently, and I’ve only backed out of two things (so far). And I’ve had a great time. And then I go home and go straight to bed.