Life has been good lately, with only a few minor stumbles (mostly in my own head). These are simply reminders that this is not an easy time, even though I am feeling much better. As I said in the beginning, when the breakup happened, it’s just not going to be fun or easy or altogether okay (although it will be again someday soon). But I will get through it, and really, mostly everything is so, so much better. The details are difficult sometimes. When the details get a little overwhelming, I’ve been relying on these things to help me right myself:
- My journal. I had kept a journal in one form or another all the way from about 4th grade til after college. Then I stopped, for some reason. Now I’ve started again, and it’s been really therapeutic.
- Harry Potter. I’ve been listening to the CDs in the car on my commute, but then I needed MORE so I started reading Book 5 as well as listening to Book 4 in the car (you can do these sorts of things when they’re re-reads). I’m completely addicted and, believe it or not, have been able to read for an hour or two at a time. And that Book 5 is HUGE. So maybe my reading mojo is coming back. And Harry Potter stories are so comforting and exciting and funny and wonderful. That’s really been helping me. I’ve also been reading George McDonald’s The Princess and Curdie and oh I love it so much. I think I might abandon all my reading plans for the year and just re-read comforting books and old favorites. Doesn’t that sound nice? Sounds like a really good plan to me.
- The kitties. Well, duh. Finn and Thomas have been a huge comfort. I am trying to keep in mind that I won’t have Finn forever (he’ll eventually go to Terri) but in the meantime, he is soooo soft and snuggly. And Thomas is like a puppydog, following me around, talking, wanting to be with me all the time.
- Staring into space. Doing nothing. Literally just doing nothing. If it were warmer, I’d be out back in the hammock watching the clouds overhead. Since it’s still quite chilly, I sit on the couch, pet the cat, and have a really good stare. After a little bit of staring, I feel better. It’s a mental break, I guess.
- Taking action. Painting rooms. Shampooing the carpet. Buying houseplants. Nesting. Seeing friends. Going to events. I am an introvert so I like being home by myself, but getting out or actually doing something productive, helps too. Slowly the house is feeling more like my house, and less a shellshocked broken home. I’m going to start packing up things for T. and putting boxes in the office and the garage. I’ve bought some new dishes to replace hers. Trying to move on in small tangible ways. It feels good to bring fresh new change and action to my life.
In a few weeks it will be time to plan the garden. Mulch the roses. Weed. Spruce up the outside of the house. Fix a few things. Fresh growth on the outside to match growth on the inside. Keep things moving and growing. Living with joy among the sorrows.