Post-Halloween Wrap-Up, Plus Thoughts

 

I work with some awesome gnomes — er, people.
It was a good Halloween season. Three awards at office Halloween party, two costumes, one horror theater show, five total trick-or-treaters. Not enough rain or cool weather (but I think that’s on its way — I always get so impatient right around now. It’s the Oregonian in me. By my reckoning, we are at least a month overdue for serious rain), but the garden’s all done, the leaves are turning and falling, and things are going pretty well.

I tried to read The Tommyknockers as my last RIP book, but I have to say… it’s just not getting me. I think I have to call it quits, and move on to my book club book, which is The Art of Fielding. I know nothing about it. Baseball something? I don’t know.

I haven’t been reading much. I guess that’s what happens when your life finally picks up pace a bit. I miss it, but I’ve also been having a hard time finding books that I really love. I guess it’s a combination of being busy and being in a bit of a reading slump. A year-long reading slump? What? It could happen. This has been a long, rough, but ultimately good year. You know it’s crazy when even reading doesn’t happen (or help). But now things are good. I’m coming out the other side. Things are actually far better than I ever imagined they would be for me. The last 5-6 years had been utterly draining, sucking all the life and hope out of me. I have hope again. A life. I find myself spending time thinking about things like, “Hmm. Where would I like to travel to next?” and “I really should see more theater.” Thoughts like these were utterly unimaginable even a year ago. I am almost ashamed of the frivolity of some of the things I spend time thinking about, now.

I always had this feeling that if I just worked hard enough, tried hard enough to have integrity, to do the right thing, to stick with it, to be the person I’d want someone to be for me, it would all pay off at some point. I guess it has, although not in the way I thought. I think back to just shy of a year ago, when everything shattered and I had no idea what was going to happen next. I hoped it would all be okay. I looked forward to the day when I would feel better, when I knew what was going to happen, when the direction of the next chapter of my life seemed more defined.

Now I know:

  • I kept the house, and have somehow done it all on my own. This makes me happy and proud. I love my house. I am not crazy about living way out here… but I do love my house very much.
  • I finally feel well. It took a good six months to feel normal again, and another 2-3 for my everyday emotions to thaw enough to feel spontaneously happy. I feel pretty darn good, now. I have capacity for joy again.
  • And joy has found me, again. I’m not lonely anymore.
  • Thomas is feeling better too. His panic attacks have subsided, and he’s bouncy and Tigger-y and generally a joy to be around.
  • Work is getting better too. Or, there’s hope on the horizon, anyway.

Better is better. Better is WAY better.

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13 thoughts on “Post-Halloween Wrap-Up, Plus Thoughts

  1. this is awesome. youve come a long way.

    i havent been reading a lot either. it feels weird, to not be reading a ton. but yet natural. its just how life goes i guess.

  2. I’m do glad things are going better for you <3 This post made me super happy. And I hear you on the year-long reading slump. It's been a long and draining year for me too, and even though things are finally picking up now I still don't have my reading mojo back.

  3. So happy that things are better and that your joy is returning. It generally does but it takes time and sometimes can seem like it will never come. I’m glad you held on to hope and kept doing what you knew needed to be done. It is paying off and that is wonderful to hear!

    Glad your Halloween season was a fun one and I hope the rest of this year’s holiday season is an incredible one for you.

  4. You’ve spent so much time in your garden you’ve turned into a gnome! With a beard even! Loves the costumes. and hooray for you! Things sound good and I am so happy to hear that!

  5. I’m so happy that things are looking up for you Daphne because you SO deserve it!! In all facets of your life :) And you all make adorable gnomes :)

  6. I don’t know how I missed this post, Daphne. I’m so happy to read it. I’m so glad you are around the corner. And please , don’t ever think that looking ahead and planning fun things to do is frivolous. You showed that you would give up so much of yourself for your relationship, but it doesn’t mean that what you gave up is not important. It was, and is. I’m so thrilled that you are excited again and planning. The reading will come. For now, it’s good to be alive, and I’m so happy to see you enjoying all the small things that make life worthwhile. Hugs from Canada :-)

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