happy sunday

Happy Sunday, everyone! Thomas let me sleep in this morning (he’s been pulling this trick of trying to get me to get up at 4 am lately…) and the clocks got set back last night so I got an extra hour’s sleep and it was lovely. I turned on the electric blanket for the first time last night and read a completely over-the-top-indulgent Oprah magazine (her Favorite Things issue, which is mildly offensive — I mean, $250 for bars of soap?!?) and slept like a baby on fresh clean sheets with the kitty curled up with me.

Woke up and started a pot of red beans in the slow cooker for red-beans-and-rice. I worked really hard in the yard again yesterday so I’m sore today, but it’s a good sore (as opposed to last weekend, when I worked really hard in the garden and was bad-sore the next day), and rested and ready for beautiful day.

I realized last night that it was November 3 — exactly a year since the big breakup. It made me a little sad, but also very glad that I am, indeed, on the other side of it all. The year was very rough in many places, but I got to spend so much time all alone in the house, just resting and not-thinking and healing. It was good, it was exactly what I needed. And now I truly feel healed and ready for the rest of my life. Doesn’t happen all that often that there is a definitive turning point like this: before Nov 3, 2011, I really thought my life was pretty much over, and that all I had in front of me was work, and care, and no fun ever. Stoicism sucks. But then after Nov 3, all of a sudden everything was different. I got to see my family and friends multiple times. I got to travel overseas. I went to events in San Francisco. I went to almost every book club. My leave hours at work piled up because I wasn’t taking them off all the time for doctor’s appointments and such. I had a lot of grief and guilt to work through, and thankfully I had the presence of mind to find a good therapist right away, who has helped me immeasurably through all of this. I looked forward to when it would be better. And, as I said in my last post, it is now better.

Some random thoughts for a Sunday:

  • The Art of Fielding is really quite good so far. It’s very John-Irving-like.
  • I suck at watching movies or TV by myself. I get bored so quickly. I do like watching with someone; I don’t know why that makes it better. Friday night I tried about eight different movies before finally settling on Mermaids, but I skipped over the near-drowning part. I love Cher.
  • After cutting down about three small trees that were shading an unused area of the garden, I now have a whole new planting area. I’m trying to decide what should go back there. Maybe I’ll post pictures and the gardening types can weigh in.
  • Speaking of gardening, here’s something I learned. When buying bags of mulch, always buy about two more bags than you think you’ll need. Skimpy mulch doesn’t work so well.
  • Tammie is coming for a visit this week! I am so excited. I love playing tour guide, and I’m so excited to finally have time for a real visit with her. She arrives tomorrow night. Woohoo!

Now I’m off to read the paper and have some tea. The house smells wonderful with bay-leaf scented red beans cooking away. I’m picking up the SS (Someone Special) from the airport today and that makes me happy. Happy Sunday, all.

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16 thoughts on “happy sunday

  1. I can practically smell it all the way over here! Hope the rest of your Sunday goes wonderful and I’m so happy that you are a year on the other side of that traumatic time in your life. Life does go on, even when we feel it cannot possibly do so at the time. And it sounds like you did all the right things to put yourself in a place to heal. Very happy for you.

    It was great to get a bit of extra sleep today and I enjoyed being able to go out and run this morning with it being light out instead of dark. Of course it will be hard on the other side when it gets dark so early. But I like the autumn/winter night stars, so on the bright side I’ll just get to see them earlier! :)

    • Mmm, it was so good! And yes, life does go on and things get better eventually (or not, and then you deal with that). You are still inspiring me with your running, although sadly not enough to make it a habit again. YET. Soon! Promise.

  2. I simply could NOT be happier for you :). I do know how difficult the past few years have been. YOU DESERVE ALL OF THIS, AND MORE!!! I know you’ll have it.

  3. I went back and read your first posts here and yes, you have come such a long way. Kudos to you for investing the time and energy to heal yourself.

    And by the way, I started Divergent, another book recommended to me if I liked The Hunger Games. The storyline is similar but the writing isn’t as good. But it’s a page turner that keeps me interested.

    • Thank you for your kind thoughts! It’s been a rough year but I am thoroughly on the other side of it now and hopefully can stop talking about it. :)
      I’ve heard of Divergent too, some of my book club members are reading it and enjoying it.

  4. im so excited for my visit and all that you have planned.

    oprah! ugh. what is up with her? heres the thing, i usually kind of look forward to her over the top Favorite Things because i myself see nothing wrong with occasionally buying something stupidly priced if it makes you feel good-we all need those silly little splurges from time to time. but her idea of stupidly priced has gotten so far away from my idea of stupidly priced that i cant even look at it anymore. one bar of soap for $20 once or twice a year, yes. $250 for a box of soap? um, no. even if i could afford it (which i can’t) the guilt alone would get to me. $250 could feed a lot of folks at the portland rescue mission. i know that oprah has enough money to buy these things and do awesome stuff for charity, but the average person reading her magazine probably doesnt. i dont know, the whole thing just kind of makes me feel icky.

    regarding loris comment: we sell divergent at my work. its the first of a series and ive heard a lot of good things about it. its on my radar.

    Mermaids: love this movie. i owned it on VHS back in the day. love winona.

    • I can’t wait! It’s today! You’re almost here!

      Oprah: I know, right? Granted, the $250 was for a *set* of soaps, but still. That’s like, more than a lifetime of Ivory. I usually like her Favorite Things as well, but most of them were seriously over $200, which is just out of my price range for a “simple, thoughtful gift.” Oh well.

      Mermaids: it’s a good one. Not as good at Moonstruck, but good.

  5. Yay for new gardening areas and for kitties letting you sleep late and most of all for realizing that you’re in a good place in your life right now :) There’s nothing better than that and I couldn’t be happier to hear it :)

    Also..I would LOVE to know what’s in a $250 bar of soap!LOL

  6. I think a lot of us who know you well knew you were not in a good place for a long time, but I at least didn’t realize that you knew it, too. I knew you weren’t happy and weren’t living a life that was making you happy and whole and that you didn’t have the joy you deserve, but in rereading your post it’s the line about “no fun ever” that resonates. That’s what I thought you were getting into, but I didn’t know that you saw it, too. And because I didn’t know you felt that way, I didn’t want to say it. You needed support and love, so I didn’t point it out.

    I am so so so happy that you’re in a better place now, in so many ways.

    • Thanks… there wasn’t much to be done, it was a grin-and-bear-it kind of situation, so I figured I might as well do my best to try and NOT be miserable even though of course the option to be miserable was always right there at hand. Denial is your friend when things are unacceptable but you must accept them. And then when the opportunity came to change things, I had enough spark left to grab the chance and make a change. Otherwise I would have been lost to depression and hopelessness and would not have seen the opportunity. It was bad, it was no fun at all, and now it’s over. I am so glad.

  7. Oh I think I smell those red beans too! James made some vegetable miso soup spur of the moment last night and did that ever taste good! I am so glad you are doing well! Have a nice visit with Tammie!

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