a short story about a large pizza

(I don’t know why my titles keep not showing up!)
Monday I totally Hit The Wall and was achy and tired and felt exhausted and starving. So I thought pizza sounded like a good dinner. Because I can’t bring myself to order delivery (it always seems to cost $30, which seems excessive for lazy dinner for one), I went over to the take-and-bake place.
I was so starving that I ordered a large. Then the guy says, “They are on sale; do you want the family size for $2 more?” I thought, “Sure, how much bigger can it be? I can just have pizza for lunch all week.”
Turns out, a $10 family size pizza from Papa Murphys is HUGE. Like, I could barely carry it.
It wouldn’t fit on the front seat of the car! I had to put it on the floor to get it home!
I almost needed an extra person to help me carry it into the house! Like, it WOULDN’T FIT IN MY OVEN. Seriously. It didn’t fit in my oven. I don’t have a small oven. This was just a REALLY BIG PIZZA.
So I finally figure out to get it situated in there with the edges curled up in the front and back, baking away, and I’m STARVING and envisioning myself eating half of it in one go, right? Like you do? “I can totally eat half this thing right now, I’m SO HUNGRY.”
Yeah. So I ate ONE PIECE and was so stuffed I could barely move.
Oh! And then after I baked the pizza, I realized that the bottom crust was all soggy (ew) so I was going to put them back into the oven to crisp, but by then I’d already cut the slices. So I put the slices on my bread-stone to crisp, and they wouldn’t fit on that either (even though it’s cookie-sheet sized), so I had to do it in two batches. They looked like sea lions, all the slices flopped over on top of each other, baking in the oven.
So I’ve been eating pizza alllllllllll week.
Sunday, I made brownies. Usually, the recipe I use is my favorite. This time, however, for some reason the brownies puffed up like a Dutch-baby pancake. Puffy brownies! What?! I ate some but they were just Not Right. So I ended throwing them out. I think I put in baking powder instead of baking soda or something. Clearly my head hasn’t been working very well for a few days now.
So yeah. I think it’s time I started cooking again, don’t you think?